Sunday, July 31, 2011

all the blowings and bangings and noises
like the roof is about to fly off
or the garage topple over

apparently it's just the borrowed lamp
knocking against the wall again
the rusted thing hanging on the back porch

an old tree's fruit rolling down the alley
a building through the branches I cannot see
and the world goes on fine without me

what we did today is gone
only the things we gave away
are going to come back


2011

Started around Four Thirty

I feel like a beat up old crone
in a bodybag

in a town where you're egged for
having purple trim

for wearing new sport boots and
a pink scarf

gimp-armed goblin tombstone robbers
wandering about

there's a cyclone in Burma, cats
in the dragon pot

this kind of weather makes me
feel alive


2011

Sustainable Enthusiasm

look if you don't like it
you don't like it

I'm not going to hold you accountable
for not understanding

hell I don't have patience for some of the
stupid things I have on me to say either

sure back when my nutsy rages were unmanageable
I'd rant and capture every hurtful word

double spaced on pink and blue ruled paper
just like I was schooled to do

but now the person up there is paddling a boat
and here I am floating in the ocean

I said that person is paddling around in a boat
and I'm floating out here in the whole ocean


2011

A Ticket to a Ride

pajama pants and army shirt
on the second cigarette
haphazard shorthand

a breadcrumb trail for when
I need to retrace
my steps

what we chose against
in favor of what
we then did

so that it does not slide into a blur
those branches of this thread
alternate realities


2011

You Can't Scratch It

in this myth I am over
eight feet tall, light
and free, life is well

her laugh, your mouth
you tell me you love me
just like she did

I prayed for peaceful days
again with laying of hands
now look how the moon glows


2011

This Is the Year

back again, and just in time
everyone turns to take a look
there's nothing you can do

a mob coming in from the kitchen
all howevermany candles shining
the whole family from hiding

his best girl and all the guys
the chef's hat and waitstaff
singing happy birthday badly

he blows the candles on the face
of a cake painted much like him
a sloppy portrait, deformed

the wisecrackers are coming
up with their best wise cracks
haranguers with their harangues

like having just wet his pants
in front of a grade nine class
when the headmaster takes a stab

so he grabs the serving knife
and lifts it high into the air
comes down hard on the cake

drags his fist back and forth
with the point of the wedge
across the layers, jagged

"whoever tries first is going
to get it," he calls at them
as the frosting goes flying

he swallows hard, hands now
empty but sweating, there's
no way out of it this time


2011

Little Hatchets

raccoons eat birdseed true
and glow flourescent orange

some nights skulls in the ceiling
or dry bones in the plasterboards

I come across as lecturing sometimes
walking around on birdcage hooves

a hardworker and caretaker would just
take care of the rattling door

but all that means is I get to
find it on my own and stay open

hold on to it alone so I can
feel it when I'm home


2011

The Desperate Struggle

my amiability
a false cheerfulness
is in control and
won't be left behind

a hypocrite's fibs
sweet self-assertion
get better, become
more successful

easier to pretend I'm
not feeling what I'm feeling
than attempt the truth
and take the risk

here we are again my friend
gluttons for punishment
it's a hot morning and I think
neither path is appropriate

then you make a move to fight
and I forget to be overwhelmed
awkward or vulnerable
and start shooting


2011

What Another Person Planted

open skies and storm clouds
flash of light. one, two, three
forearms swiping, spitting
eight feet in the seaweed

crabs on the sand running
climbing each other's back
one hungry family
riding on your shoulders

in that moment a strong
wind whips up the sails
delivers the poison
lips turn purple, blue, white

in the mist before the flood
upon the mud and sweat
my beloved always
earth, heaven


2011

Catty's Dinner Plate

my screaming blisters and I
went out into the storm
but it turned north not west

running in my army boots
down the gravel backroads
I stirred up a lone goose

who spread her wings
honked and flapped
and flew far away

back home starlings fed
their huge babies in the rain
big hungry molting mouths

as the heavy clouds filled
the blue toadstool birdbath
from my birthday of darkness

and we set a plate for cat
with fish from our dinner
sang hallelujah again


2011

Triptych: A Row of Pots

an ant crawled into your coffee
a big brown spider under the propane tank
but your new flowers are so you


2011

Out of the Mesh, Up Through the Filter

a child in a child's body
you come out in conversation

like the circus ringleader
flared fins and ruffled sleeves

the lion tamer in
a bed high on stilts

it's true, you do everything --
I've got it made

but here's a little lullaby
about donkeys and burros

riding Rhodesian Ridgebacks
on through the desert

a grotesque little tune
it's good for what ails ya


2011

The Workers and the Venture

we were made in this image
hardened in the furnace

given these few words
a mother, a father, a child

dropped on this shelf
naked and upset

fed water, fed food
left for dead

and I'm helpless --
can't understand

what must I do
to get out of this shell

wanting, running, threatened
always on the mend

god take me from this world
if it be in your will

in your perfect justice
and infinite wisdom

take this burden
beg the sun to bring us rain

for the sake of your truth
and our only hope

with faith beyond reason
love outside all bounds

wretched that we are
blind and guilty

the workers and what's promised
men of mixed integrity

bring us home my heavenly father
through your only son

whose name will stand
for all we have lost


2011

Shall I Name No Names?

I remember the first time you
left me on the far side
and I ran home

past black squirrels and beaver
funky honking geese at
Goose Lake

see I've already had more afternoons
than I can bear to remember
more mornings too

we move the lawn furniture, replant
the old flowers, and choose
which weeds to let be

the best thing about dying
is you don't realize
when it happens

but the peach and blueberry cake
was a particularly sweet
and savory memory


2011

Astronomical Intuition

beauty leads to meaning
I'm up early in pursuit of each

at times barbaric and base
like pulling weeds

flowers exploding in
a retching of light

which I can't stomach, need
the means to approach


then a virus echoes
from the dark

in threes and sevens
an exotic power

rhythms and voices
in all directions

dancing shapes come in waves
sun, clouds, mountains, forest


communal music
dots and lines on the page

not the voice or
even the sound that counts

but the atmosphere above
from the ground up

approach the abyss
and ascend to heaven


2011

Dead Asleep

cooking a pot of sadness today
turn up the heat and let it simmer

disturbing my sleep like clockwork each night
taking me over one dream at a time

I fall in love with an angel of death
holding my hand and kissing me sweetly

lift up my spirits you angel of mercy
full moon melancholy drifting me slowly away

I'm not vulnerable, not overwhelmed, not yet
I can be better, more successful, more myself

at least the sweet twinkle tempts me to try
the church, the stage, the actor survives

a devilless world walks with the dead
their pierced faces smeared with pain

hanging from a barbed wire fence
fit for the king's scourges

the mark of the cords
left on her face

swaying, rotting, a warning
beautiful and monstrous


2011

The Bee-Eaters

deer eat flowers
in town when they can

bees stumble stem to stem
all things in ecstasy

me, I paint my toenails brown, fingertips gold
take the kinks from a rubber hose

water the three front trees
so the breeze won't rattle the dry oak leaves

see it's time to visit the cabin by the lake
but with my heart broke I can't do it

there's no bees in the boxes
they've flown away

seems the buzz doesn't need the hive
they see through the smoke

one last time their feelers talk
and then goodbye


2011

Any Edge Will Do

why am I walking around gingerly
fine fleet feathery hooves
naked in my hat?

see the door jumped off its hinges
on you in the laundry room
around nine forty

I came out to examine the hinges
looked at you with concern
in the way I have

that makes you not want to spend
any time around me that day
so I said okay

NPR was on, something about
global food shortages
and about irises

you said I always agree when
the idea involves
separation

we asked Google "how do you know
when you're going crazy?"
but got no answer

later I saw I <3 YOU in my journal
red for the heart, black ink
for the I and the you


2011

On It for a While

focus on work
stately and robust
get banana split stuff
warm fruit from the vine
salad wraps and tomato slices
water in a frisbee for the birdies

feel unheard, unloved, uncaredfor
takenforgranted, endofthelist
by a pervert nerd slimeball
who's toasting the wolf
a gay cowboy with
painted nails

I can take it
but leave room for
self doubt, cause you
might be a regular asshole
sticking your shit in my face
but then I'd have to give it back

translation deconstruction text
capability possibility thesis
consequence cause smile
blow it up your ass
take cold shower
extrapolate


2011

Wholly This and Nothing More

There is a man with a helmet and stirrups
long boots and smiling tall, but saddled
on my daughter's back... for a decade

Riding her around the manor, kept in a separate room
in that remote castle above the cave of his dungeon
where she sleeps with ears plugged with her fingers

And waits, waiting for this part to pass, ten years
I have seen it and believe -- tightens the straps
around her shoulders, across her back, under her belly

The bed is breathing, rises shifting of its own weight
sinks into the corners and rests forever against the wall
all night in the empty spaces of the his and hers house

The taste in my mouth is like torture, keeps building
long after I've nibbled the corners -- what can one do?
what monster lives among these and those hundred acres


2011

A Secret, a Lie

I slept in my green shirt and green shorts
had this dream, can it be believed?
warm again and the skin dances

this little boy was given a dollar
told his brothers but could not trust
so he hid the dollar in a hole in a tree

I told my heart, which went about its work
listened well -- squeezed and released
then told the story to my shadow

soon the darkness was flowing with life
and back and forth they worked it out
deepest fears and the deeper wells

until soon the world was filled with light
yet all inside me was lost in shadows
unaware of the old blood flowing

a mind too heavy throws off its burden
the heart is no good as a friend
yet the truth sets us free


2011

Warm and Low Acid

we fought all night long
untrusting and quiet like

you blondie red thong topless
me anxious at being too forward

on the toilet scared I'm unfulfilled
overwhelmed with guilt and pressure

that's not going to get me high
that's enough for the day

so we had a pancake party late
got all splattered and doughy

see I was made to be exploited
in a sexually derivative fashion

that's why I'm put here on this planet
given capacity for satisfaction

because I am full of semen
and you are full of cotton

with speakers under the
foot of the bed


2011

The New Half Moon

flopping around in flip-flops
my plastic clogs for the summer
with a quick crappy whiskey sour
and some over-sauced casino pesto

then wire chairs under willow trees
cars parked out front of the risers
red-backed roofers in tiny jeeps
yelling at crows on the birdhouse

get out early so it never gets late
mow the lawn between bouts of rain
head up the mountain until it splits
take mirror creek to its muddy end

2011

Year of the Pingeon

followed the pigeons over then
away from the circle of men
took pictures of tourists

hey we're big fans of Starbucks
and we're big fans of freedom, too
so can we get those coffees for free?

see you're a beggar and I'm a thief
that means together we must be
one hundred percent cool

move on even if you don't know the way
the Pingeon says -- pigeons always
know when to go, they risk it

deliver messages, persevere, focus on
security, instinct, following their
voice to find the way home

used to think that words were too strong
now I want to peck at the pebbles
wear the shine on my wings


2011

Seven Deadly Sins

a young woman
cream, no sugar

a retired donkey
moving downstairs

sea salt and Q-tips
swept under the steps

needing peace or torment?
try a piercing appointment

a better mousetrap travels
great distance at great speeds

still my gentle, rude soul
on a dried creekbed ledge

adventurous but timid
loathing, going


2011

Melts Like Wax

holy smokes it's getting
hot once again, the sun
is trying to kill us, I
can't get relaxed, it's
undermining me, inter
rupting me so that
now I've got to com
pletely block you out

because I have no idea
what you're talking
about, you went abs
tract right off the
bat going on about
traffic lights, fines
and croquet mallets
cauliflower and
rooster meat, apa
thy and resistance
tension and nerves
fear of rejection, a
band on ment, talking
when you don't want to
talk, keeping alert
and on the watch

I don't wish to be
erased, don't need
to be tended to, I
want to die, well
no I don't really
want to die
but I do want to
go crazy thinking
about how we need
space to look at birds
space to breathe, space
to find our words and the
confidence to speak them

I washed my hands twice
then broke the plaster
while hanging up the
wax iron dye painting
with a bent hammer
but it was worth it
because I learned
snow and calm are
two different shades
of white, and then I
washed my hands twice


2011

The Summer of Fun

pancakes with strawberries and cream
saw chipmunks on the beach and deer
watched people cleaning their catch
pulling their boats out with trucks
got Starbucks, showers, new clothes
and headed east with the boombox

chords, strings, we brings -- melody
burritos, bras, even a new laptop
Bugaboo burgers, gas in Cumberland
heaping cones outside outer Bowser
(I dared to pick up my Rolo chunk
and caught a falling caramel hunk)

found grasslands down that road
then the habitat path to the lake
childhood stuff in the tall reeds
crouching low, mouth clamped shut
Mediterranean pizza and spinach pie
from Oliveri's at night in the garden


2011

My Own Enemies to Contend

what broke me out of my silence
burning up in the great wildfire
where no one remembers to find

crept into my secret room to hide
and see if what I love loves me
still and wants all that I am

drink them away, smoke them out
lighting up the sky at night for
the world to count the stars by

I will covet what I covet
corner what I do not own
get lost, stay lost, and die

I left through the back
same as before when we
broke in unannounced

went running down the streets
no more shoulder to cling to
my own weapons to holster


2011

The Forest Has Two Eyes

two church mice went into town
across the crosswalk for coffees

or was it we were angels as humans
wrapped in rags begging bread

geese on their way before seven
kids on bikes and in wheelbarrows

good energy blowing in at Windy Creek
hummingbirds and orange winged doves

we camp in folding chairs from the trunk
dine on the gum I found in the glove

the last spot out down by the water
or at least within sight of it


2011

Something Wicked This Way Ruts

crashed into each other, feeling fat in our pants
a bed full of cats meowing from the card
you got from your mom

lady hawk in a white mini and ponytail
why that's a perplexing hawk
was a dog at fourteen

see we got hot dogs in the hotdogulator
plus ashes in my carpenter pants
propane grill and dryer

combo pack and a coke, lawnmower for one
eighty six, a stolen pair of sunglasses
Tae Bo for five and two Led Zep

wild again, beguiled again, my heart singing
dreaming of losing memories again at
sixty five and seventy six

you put the lawn lights out and up they lit
shrieked at the fly on your arm
and a phantom in the hall

egyptian cotton bedsheet brown and shamwow
the new shower doodad with nipples
medium UV risk ready

are you still the right girl for me even
though I didn't quite like the
screwy louie fork?

the way I see, kissing anyone else would be gross
defend not your life, you are loved by me
what, a body pillow for fifteen?

well then you can tell them they can go to hell
I ain't payin' - no seriously thanks
I'll take care of it a s a p


2011